


Things Left Unsaid

by FaustsMephistopheles



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-04-22 16:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4842923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustsMephistopheles/pseuds/FaustsMephistopheles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Questions swirled around in Sansa's head that she was desperate to ask him but couldn't. Maybe she didn't want to know the answers, or perhaps she knew that as much as her mothers death killed her, it hurt him too.</p><p>Petyr had so much to say but just couldn't find the right words, so he opted for silence.</p><p>Sansa tries so hard to figure out how to be proceed.</p><p>An ancient friend of the world has some advice to give.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Endless Questions, Forever Unanswered

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I have posted to this website. It just popped into my head, so I hope you enjoy. Leave a comment/kudo or don't (that's fine too). I would love to hear from any readers I may get :)
> 
> Eat my sad.

Does it hurt? Did it ever hurt? Before the skin started to pucker around the wound and create a nasty scar, parts of which are not just buried deep? When did the rage fade? Did it ever, or is it just waiting, laying dormant in the pit of your soul? Would it have helped if you had gotten an apology, or would that have just made it worse, like a kick in the face? Would it help if I told you that I wish I could make it better, that I wish I could wipe all the pain away, that I love you? Or would that too just exacerbate your anguish? Do you even see it anymore, or is it just me who notices? Are you over it? Will you ever be over it? Do you love me like you loved her? Will you ever, or am I just a replacement? A second best?

All the questions I wanted to ask him died out on my tongue the second I opened my mouth. My desperate plea for him to tell me now, before I lost a piece of my soul in the effort to save him, caught in my throat. Instead I drowned. Drowned in grey and green, and the darkness swallowed me whole.


	2. Why Do The Words Never Come Out?

Things keep falling off the shelf inside of me, only to lay scattered and broken on the floor below. I am certain that if you shook me, you could hear all the shattered pieces rattling around. They are broken beyond repair and so am I, so do you insist on trying to come in and glue all the pieces back together? I keep trying to show you, but you will not pay attention. I keep trying to tell you to stop staring at me like I can somehow be your savior, if only you could put me back together, because it cannot be so. I will only drag you down to my level. My darkness will envelop you too. I will leave you battered and broken inside, and that would kill me. To watch as you come to slowly resent me and turn bitter would surely kill me, so please run. Go before you become too attached. Before I get too attached. To me who already has so many broken things, what is one more falling off the shelf and splintering into a million tiny shards? Far less than what it will mean to you who has so few and all that are so fresh. There are so many things that I wish I could tell you. Things you probably need to hear. For starters, how much I love you. How I never truly knew love until I met you, only obsession. How you are so much more than she ever was. There are so many things I wish I could do for you. I would gladly take all of you pain and make it my own, I would eagerly lay the world at your feet if I could, but I am scared that all I will bring to you is a living Hell. That my demons will grow dissatisfied with just me and attempt to swallow you whole. How am I to relay all of this to you though? I may love a finely bandied word and be an eloquent speaker, but there is no way to share all of this with you. I have no words in my vocabulary that would hold any weight. So, I have opted to take the selfish and cowardly route once again, only to hope that it will not kill you. Now I too am drowning. Drowning in red and blue, and allowing your light to surround me.


	3. Damned If I Do and Damned If I Don't

I am never going to be enough, am I? You say that you love me and that you need me, but I am not enough. It is not that I question your love or that I am concerned about you straying; I know the value of my companionship to you. No, it is not that at all. What I am unsure about is whether or not you will ever be able to put me first. You have an insatiable need to possess. To possess the world and all that it has to offer. You are not some petty thief. You will stop at nothing to achieve your goals and you are prepared to trample underfoot anyone who gets in your way.

You say you love me, and I reiterate, I believe you, but is it enough? Would you sacrifice me too one day? Would I let you? Even if you did not sacrifice me, would the man left at the end of this crusade be the same one I fell in love with? Would I be so changed by the end that you no longer love me, but the girl I used to be? What scares me the most is that I am not sure I can even trust myself. I am not sure that I can trust myself to put my own needs before yours. I am scared that my life will forever be filled with questions that I have no way of articulating, scared that my life will forever be filled with ‘what ifs’, scared that I’m damned if I leave and damned if I don’t.

Sometimes I think it would be better to end this all now, but I do not think I am strong enough. It would tear me apart to lose your companionship, your reverence, your ardor. The separation would be torturous, but it would be far less painful to do it now than to wait for circumstance to do it. So, I’m begging you. Give me a reason to walk away. Force my hand my love. I know that it is cowardly, and I’m sorry, but I know no other possible way.


	4. A Word of Advice From an Ancient Friend

My darlings, what you all seem to miss is that you live in a world of grey. Nothing is what it appears to be, nothing is what it presents itself as, and all is ambiguous. It is the same way with humans. Every single, last one wears a mask my dears. Some are lovelier than the most angelic of songs, and some are more hideous that the face of Mephistopheles himself. Some masks are put into place to deceive others and some are put into place to protect the wearer from the worlds, perhaps sometimes they are a mixture of both. Either way, there is no such thing as black or white. Grey. All of it grey. A hidden reason, a hidden motive, and hidden why. And in this cruel and confusing grey world, there is nothing but impermanence. Everything is fleeting: pleasure, sadness, betrayal, fulfillment, everything. My darlings, if this is true then why is it that this world is so focused on permanence especially when there is something so obviously liberating in the opposite? Even this world itself is impermanent and will one day turn to ash. When that day arrives, then not even the mightiest of heroes will be there to save it and rule over the ashes. The only thing permanent about life is death. Everything and everyone must die and I will come for you all one day, of that you may be assured. 

So, why not experience this life to the fullest and make sure that when life's next great journey comes your way you will be content? You, my lovely grey-world walking creatures, have nothing but your own preconceived notions of yourselves and your own limitations that keep you tied down. You my sweet summer child believe that you are not good enough, that you never were and never will be, but who told you that? Surely not the man you love who gazes at you like you are the sun and is desperate to go blind. And you my dark and calculating mastermind, you are scared that you are broken beyond repair and that through your cracks will leak a darkness that will turn everyone you love black with rot, but who told you that. Surely not the beautiful goddess before you, willing to risk even that terrible fate out of love for you. 

I may not know the ways of life, but I am death herself. I have watched trillions of people throughout time and have taken trillions of souls to the afterlife. I have seen the dreams, desires, disappointments, sins, and so much more of every man, woman, and child that has ever passed. I have felt the weight of every soul. Some were heavier than others and some were so weighed down that the burden was almost too heavy to bear. But regardless of the weight, what every soul had in common was regret. Everyone regrets something that they did or did not do, so the advice I can pass on to you my treasures, is to die with as few regrets as you can. Let your souls be light when I take them from this world one day, for I am tired of all the sorrow.


End file.
